You want to see this in the mirror:
But what you actually see is this:
Instead of wallowing, when I have moments like this, I remind myself where I've been and how far I've come. This is what I want to remember - that I am working HARD to get where I want to be.
I remember that I started in 2009 at 240 lbs. Today, I am 60+ pounds less. Yes, I don't see that "number" change much anymore. Often, I tell myself not to focus on that "number", which is harder to do than you think.
I remind myself that the changes that are happening now are more subtle. I can see my collar bone becoming more defined. The wobble under my arm is starting to shrink. All the while, I keep working on my strength training and now have muscle in places I never knew possible.
I think about how I am a certified group fitness instructor, and that I regularly hear my students say things like "I don't know how you do that, it's so hard!". I reflect on my other physical achievements as well, like the fact that I just finished my 3rd half marathon at a personal best of under 2 hours 30 minutes.
Some days thinking about all my achievements works, some days... well, like I said. We've all been there.
But almost as if the cosmos knew I needed a boost, I had to go in for a check up on Friday... technically, it was just to a minute clinic to get my blood tests run before my insurance slapped me for not getting it done prior to open enrollment, but it was a checkup all the same. That's where something amazing happened.
I passed every metric my health program put out for me. Every. Single. One.
That is something I have never done before! Even as a kid the doctor always had something on the chart that made me put a black mark on my mental list.
And not only did I pass all the metrics (including hitting suggested BMI targets which you know I hate), I had some amazing improvements since the last time I had the same test run at the end of 2010:
- I am down almost 10% in overall body weight, and also in BMI points.
- I have increased my HDL (good cholesterol caused by exercise and healthy weight) by 39%
- I have MASSIVELY reduced my triglycerides (cholesterol caused by eating refined foods, sugars, alcohol). In fact, this number was so low that the machine struggled to calculate my total cholesterol and I had to have my blood drawn TWICE to get a result.
And even better - I FINALLY had a nurse who told me that I should forget my BMI, because what she was seeing based on my blood tests and physical appearance was an extremely healthy person.
Finally, it's like I flipped a switch in my head. I realized I was being way too hard on myself.
And to that point I want to say...
When you are having a day like this - stay strong. Remember where you started, where you want to go... and don't worry about how quickly you get there. It will come in time.