Don't Be Too Hard on Yourself

In the last week or two, I've been getting kind of down on myself.  You know how it is - we've all been there. 

You want to see this in the mirror:

But what you actually see is this:

Instead of wallowing, when I have moments like this, I remind myself where I've been and how far I've come.  This is what I want to remember - that I am working HARD to get where I want to be. 

I remember that I started in 2009 at 240 lbs.  Today, I am 60+ pounds less.  Yes, I don't see that "number" change much anymore.  Often, I tell myself not to focus on that "number", which is harder to do than you think. 

I remind myself that the changes that are happening now are more subtle.  I can see my collar bone becoming more defined.  The wobble under my arm is starting to shrink.  All the while, I keep working on my strength training and now have muscle in places I never knew possible.

I think about how I am a certified group fitness instructor, and that I regularly hear my students say things like "I don't know how you do that, it's so hard!".  I reflect on my other physical achievements as well, like the fact that I just finished my 3rd half marathon at a personal best of under 2 hours 30 minutes.

Some days thinking about all my achievements works, some days... well, like I said.  We've all been there.

But almost as if the cosmos knew I needed a boost, I had to go in for a check up on Friday... technically, it was just to a minute clinic to get my blood tests run before my insurance slapped me for not getting it done prior to open enrollment, but it was a checkup all the same.  That's where something amazing happened.

I passed every metric my health program put out for me.  Every.  Single.  One. 

That is something I have never done before!  Even as a kid the doctor always had something on the chart that made me put a black mark on my mental list.

And not only did I pass all the metrics (including hitting suggested BMI targets which you know I hate), I had some amazing improvements since the last time I had the same test run at the end of 2010:

     - I am down almost 10% in overall body weight, and also in BMI points.
     - I have increased my HDL (good cholesterol caused by exercise and healthy weight) by 39%
     - I have MASSIVELY reduced my triglycerides (cholesterol caused by eating refined foods, sugars, alcohol).  In fact, this number was so low that the machine struggled to calculate my total cholesterol and I had to have my blood drawn TWICE to get a result. 

And even better - I FINALLY had a nurse who told me that I should forget my BMI, because what she was seeing based on my blood tests and physical appearance was an extremely healthy person.

Finally, it's like I flipped a switch in my head.  I realized I was being way too hard on myself.

And to that point I want to say...

When you are having a day like this - stay strong.  Remember where you started, where you want to go... and don't worry about how quickly you get there.  It will come in time.