Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Deep Thoughts While Running #4

This one is an oldie but a goodie that I posted on Facebook about 6 months ago, before I started this blog.  But, being at a costume themed race a few weeks back, I had a ... "fresh reminder" of the whole situation right in front of me that brought the old topic back to the surface.  And now that I think about it again, it's still pretty funny.

So, without any further adieu...

If you were out on a run, would you want a complete stranger to alert you
if you were having a wardrobe malfunction?

Here's what happened:

Out on my "usual" post work run (and by out, I mean running the 10 loop/mile "hamster wheel" track at my local gym), I noticed a young woman in front of me was having a small issue.  It seems her spandex running tights had one too many trips through the wash, and as a result had become quite sheer.

My immediate reaction was "Huh.  I wonder if that girl realizes that her running tights are see through in the butt.  I can totally see her black thong underneath."

It took me a few seconds to fully absorb the situation.  Once reality set in, I realized she was very likely quite clueless about what she was showing the world. 

And of course, I never would have expected her to be aware of it, because who looks at their back side in the mirror before going to work out?

Not sure what to do, I spent at least 1/3 of a mile running behind her wondering if I should inform her of her wardrobe malfunction.... and also reminiscing on the origination of the term wardrobe malfunction.  Seriously, what would we do today if it weren't for Janet and Justin at the super bowl that infamous year?

Honestly, what would I call this if we didn't have that term?

"Ah, excuse me miss, your seem to be having a wardrobe malfunction small issue."  Nope, doesn't really do the trick.

By this point, about one mile has been completed, and I'm starting to overthink what to say.  I mean, how does one approach a young lady and tell her that her thong is on display (inadvertently) for the world to see??

Before I can get too far into deciding what to tell the girl as I approach her, my mind starts to wander. I begin to wonder what would I say back to someone if they told me they could see my thong through my pants?

And then, I have another thought.  "Wait, wait, wait... we've been running this track for just over a mile now.  How can she do that in a thong?  I chafe when my t-shirt doesn't sit right on my collar bone, and it's not even wedged in anywhere.  She must have a crack of steel."


As I continue to contemplate the situation, I notice she is at the track with a male friend of sorts.  He is a faster runner than her, and simply says hello as he laps her every so often.  I also notice something peculiar about his situation... he is running in a pair of basketball shorts with a word written across his butt.

I thought that was a girl thing?  You know, like the whole Juicy track pant trend?

What is up with these two people, running the track together, having "butt issues"?

Are they PLANNING this together?!

Given this new discovery, I begin to wonder what the girl's response might be if I alert her to her sheer pants.  I mean, what if these two in cahoots together and TRYING to be weird?  I can just about imagine her saying...

And as I process that thought, my Nike+ chimes in and tells me my run is completed. 

I promptly exit the track and leave the two to finish their run. 


  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Too funny! Especially the joint "butt issues." =D

    I would tell someone or want someone to tell me about a wardrobe malfunction if it was very obvious (e.g. I had a sock sticking out of my waistband). If it was something more subtle that involved delicate body parts (aka the tush), I would feel awkward either about sharing the observation or being given the observation, unless it was from a trusted friend/family member. In instances like what you underwent with the woman's sheer tights, I would have turned the other cheek for sure!

    1. I turned both cheeks - and walked them right outta there! :-)