Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Deep Thoughts While Running #6

I realized last week that this blog has gotten way too serious. 

Time for something sarcastic.

Since I've been spending a lot of time indoors running lately, what with the -50 wind chills and the constant blizzards, I've been stewing this post over for awhile.  BTW, -50 wind chills.  Hooray Minnesota!  (I think the people on the plane a couple seats behind me had it right when I was flying home from vacation a few weeks back... upon seeing the snowy ground while coming in to land they said "God, why to we fricking live here?!")


As a result of all my "inside" time, I have had plenty of people watching sessions, and therefore have decided to create a list of 10 things you DEFINATELY should not do at the gym.

Here's the list, in no particular order:

(1) Capris with socks that go any higher than your ankle

This would certainly result in some interesting tan lines.
And I bet that 1" strip of skin feels very cool and sweat free during working out.

(2) Beauty queen jewelry

Double no to the matched set - necklace & earrings.

(3) Beauty queen jewelry, paired with a low cut tank top & push up bra, possibly while "running" backwards on an elliptical

Apparently many people wear inappropriate things on the elliptical?
I didn't see this Christmas lady, but I did see the beauty queen - true story!!

(4) Excessive grunting while weight lifting

By the way, I think they heard you in China.  So you can stop now.

(5) LEAN on your machine

If you are supporting any of your body weight with your arms, you're doin' it wrong.

(6) Wear patterned underwear under sheer/worn out stretch pants

An extra no if you bend over right in front of people (me) while wearing this.

(7) Take the machine right next to me when the entire gym is open

I hope you enjoy my sweat stink, jerk.

(8) Bitch about how "hard" something was

Dude, I have been on this treadmill for an hour, and you did 20 minutes.

(9) Velvet track pants/suits

No one can get a good workout in wearing those.  No one.
There's a reason why Santa is fat, btw.  Who can wear velvet and get in a good run?

(10) Sweatpants tucked into socks.

I don't care if Justin Bieber is doing it.  That grandpa is too.
Neither one looks cool.

And that about does it for now.  With no end in site for this crappy weather, who knows... maybe I'll do this again?!  Until then...


  1. Love this!!! Reminds me of how the whole ugly holiday sweater craze has really taken off over the past few years. A few years ago, those ugly sweaters were just a thing that everyone tried to ignore or pretend didn't exist - but now there are Ugly Sweater Runs everywhere!!!

    1. Oh god - I hope NONE of the above take off into a trend!! :-P